EPIC AI post: The Third Group of 12

Well, lovely readers, I know it's been a while. I hope my absence has made your hearts grow fonder :p

Anyways, yes, you read that title right. Don't change that blog channel! I truly AM writing an AI post. Actually, it may turn into a series of posts. But, on with the show. 

Tonight's show will showcase the last group of 12. Who will wow the judges? Who will make the wrong song choice? Who will make Paula stand up and cry? To find out, read on. 

Let us begin: 

Contestant number one! Is!

Von Smith: His name would be very fitting if he were a British cultural attache. "My name is Von. Von Smith. And, yes, I do work for MI-6." 

Anyways, the performance: A little shaky at the beginning. His falsetto gets better toward the end, though. Marvin Gaye songs demand finesse all throughout, and he's just not there yet. These judges are a bit too nice because they love him.

This is my first time seeing Kara DioGuardi as a judge. Verdict? She's a coherent version of Paula.

Simon said he reminded him of Clay Aiken. Claymates everywhere will be in an uproar in 3..2..1. *uproar*

Next is Taylor Vifauna. Her song is: "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. That's a tall order because this song requires a smoldering intensity. She hit the money note. Actually, she's not bad. Kara's verdict is right on the money, though. Good voice, but not enough personality. I don't think she'll make it, unfortunately. But that's okay because she's only 17. What was I doing at 17? Probably watching "Napoleon Dynamite." Translation: Compared to these kids, I was epically failing.

This show has a lot of commercial breaks. Red Wings break with Mindgrapes, who is fantasizing about a fireside chat with Zetterberg. 

Ryan says I can design my very own coca cola cup.

On to the next contestant! 

Alex! Wagner! -Truman! Aw, he's a little dorky. He's a quick-witted little bugger. And he made a joke about Simon. I like him already. He's tackling Elton John's "I guess that's why they call it the blues." He's already getting cat calls as he's singing. He's totally mugging for the camera.. as he should...gotta soak up those 15 minutes while you've got them. He tends to do this growly thing that makes him sound a little phlegmy, and he's pitchy. A lot. However, I loved his moves--he seemed to be channeling his inner rockstar. He may not win over Simon, but maybe his A+ personality and rock star moves will charm the pants off America. If he and Taylor combined, with Taylor's voice and his personality, they could be the next American Idol! Maybe that could be a thing for next year. Think about it: American Idol: Tag Team! Aannnd...Break!

Arianna's our next contestant! She's super young and bubbly. And she's singing ABBA? Interesting and unexpected. Maybe she saw "Mamma Mia" this year. She has a bit more personality than the last girl, but she's all over the place. Her song was much too broody. I thought she'd pick an upbeat ABBA song. Her last note was a bit bad. And the song was too old and too big for her! These kids are all trying to grow up too fast. Darn kids....sorry. Kids, listen. It's all about song choice! She's a bubbly girl, and she should've picked a bubbly song. 

And...commercial break! 

I have to say...Mindgrapes makes a mean pierogi. 

Ju'not! It's "Ju-noh"...like the capital of Alaska. Not to be pronounced "juh-knot" as mindgrapes just did. Hmm.."Hey There Delilah"? His attempt to R&B'ize the song is admirable, but it doesn't do it for me. Having the band omit the guitar strums sucked the energy out of that song. He made it a little too "smooth jazz" for my taste. The judges don't agree with me. I think he needs to pick a song that showcases his silky voice a little more for the next time. If there is a next time....*cue ominous music*

Break! One of the Red Wings (Hossa) seems to have gotten injured. I hope he's okay...

Next contestants! Nathaniel is a bloke who loves wearing a glittery headband. And there's a blond girl, Kristen. She's a karaoke host who sings. And she looks like Mena Suvari's doppelganger. Awesome. Her song? "Gimme One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. Here we go. Well, she's got some bite in her voice. I dig her tone. Her facial expressions and shoulder bobs are a little exaggerated, though.  I can say that she's got attitude in her singing. I'm thankful for a sign of life among the female singers. I agree with Kara--her voice would be better suited to  Kelly Clarkson or a Pink song. She's trying to be a little poppy, but she's a rocker underneath. Or is she? The judges aren't sure, and she isn't either. 

Nathaniel. Self-proclaimed drama queen. His montage certainly backs that up. His song: "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf, which is very theatrical. It's a good song for the boy.  He is working it! It's a pleasant surprise for this viewer. Mindgrapes and I think he's done some theater. He could be the next Zefron (just not the heterosexual version)! Of course, Simon just hates him. To make amends, Nate just gave him his headband. Aw! I love him already. 

Break! The Red Wings scored!! And they were shorthanded. Take that, St. Louis!

Felicia is a stay at home mom. She didn't get picked the first time around, but they called her back! Tonight, she's gonna sing another song by A. Key's--"No One." Her voice is interesting. She's got that Keys raspiness. I think she made a good song choice here, but she's a bit pitchy. I don't know if this performance  will make her stand out. That last note was good, though. I'm getting a little something somethin' from her, but will it be enough?  

What? No commercial break? 

Next is Scott. He's got a crazy mop of hair. He's blind? That's insane. And he plays the keyboard. Insane! Wow. But what about his voice?? Actually, he's not that bad. The crowd seems to have already embraced him. Mindgrapes is crying... And, I kinda am, too. He's got heart, that's for sure. Mindgrapes is in love with him. And I kinda am, too. Mindgrapes wants to marry him. And I kinda do, too. (okay, not so much on the 1st and last ones) 

Kendall is next, and she seems to be channeling Taylor Swift in her outfit. We'll hear from her after the break. And, we're back!

Kendall is a Texas gal, and she's bubbly as all get out. She's going to sing some Martina McBride. Mindgrapes totally called her as the "country" girl. She's got good attitude onstage, but her voice seems a little tame and a little pitchy. Martina's a country diva, and I don't think I could say the same about Kendall. I don't think America will vote her through because, let's face it,  they've already got a country superstar in Carrie Underwood. But, what do I know?  

Jorge's up after the break!!! Geez...this show is loooong. 

He's from Puerto Rico. He's been working with a dialect coach, and he's going to try Elton John's "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me." He's got a '70s collar, and he reminds me of a very young Julio Iglesias. And he's on pitch! His voice is so good that it's made me and Mindgrapes do the wave. Paula's standing! And crying! And HE's crying! I actually want to hear him sing with more of an accent. Mindgrapes wants to marry him. He's so moved by the moment that he can only respond in Spanish. Y'know what? Me, too. Jorge...te quiero. 

Zetterberg scored! 

Lil Rounds! I dig her name. Girl's got soul!! She's gonna sing MJB's "Be Without You." And let me say...she better bring it because MJB don't play. She's got the crowd moving with her. Mindgrapes and I are joining in because we just can't help it. She's also got the hunger--I liked how she threw in "Call this show" into the lyrics! It's a smart move because it shows that she's got guts AND personality. AND she's got a great voice (which is more than I can say for all of the rest of the girls). As Randy Jackson says, she's got swagger. Swagger on, Lil Rounds, swagger on. 

And...cue the montage! Anyways...dear readers, here are my picks: Lil Rounds (Swagger Mama), Jorge (Young Julio Iglesias), and Scott (S-Dog). My wildcard: Nathaniel. Will America agree? Who knows. America, she is a fickle mistress. 

Well, I hope you lovely lot enjoyed reading this review as much as I did writing it. And do let me know who your picks are. 

Until next week,

zozizzle. out.