Doctor Who 6.1 "The Impossible Astronaut, Part 1": The Live Blog Edition!

WARNING: If you have NOT seen the premiere yet, READ NO FURTHER for there will be, in the words of River Song...

...SPOILERS. 

However, if you HAVE seen it, come on in! The water's fine. Sort of.
Welcome to our  recap in which we, two-thirds of the Ashitaka's Angels, keysmash and capslock-yell our way through the Doctor Who Season 6 Premiere. In true Ashitaka's Angels style, this post is going to have the minimum amount of coherency and the maximum amount of flailing. There will be pretty pictures, though! Consider it our (belated) Easter gift to you. A nonsensical, capslock-filled, confusion-ridden (belated) Easter gift.

The stetson'd Doctor welcomes you in.

"I wear stetsons now. Stetsons are cool."

In general, the episode was seven kinds of brilliant. Much like the best Doctor Who episodes, "The Impossible Astronaut, Part 1" was filled with moments that ranged from very touching to outright horrifying to downright mind-boggling. When the episode was over, we came away with a lot of revelations and a whole lot more questions.

First, here's what we found out:

1) (Not Related to the Show) We Were Determined To Watch, Obstacles Be Damned

Yes, there was one horrifying moment within the first 30 seconds of the show. And it didn't even have anything to do with the episode. It had everything to do with, um, technical difficulties:

Lea: my dad is hogging the tv OMG NOOOOOO

 Z: NOOOOOOOOOOO

9:00 PM get on that television!!!

  should i stop watching?

  i'm recording it

9:01 PM Lea: oh fuck balls

 Z: wha happened?

 Lea: ok, i'm watching it but idk if i'm a little behind

9:02 PM Z: amy just got a blue envelope

  river song is onscreen

  

 Lea: i'm not at River Song yettttt fuuuuuuuu

 Z: okay

  i'll wait

 Lea: oh, there she is

  lol

 Z: when you get to the bus, tell meZ: do you see the bus yet?Lea: BUSZ: k!!!

We wasted no time in mitigating the problem because, let's face it, nothing comes between TV bloggers and their TV shows. Especially shows about time-traveling Doctors.

In fact, by the time the intro came on, we were all sync-ed up and settled in:

*Do do dooo!* You know you sing the theme song, too! ...Right?...Anybody?

Z: this is a new intro

 Lea: omg new opening?

  ooooooooooooh

 Z: I KNOW, RIGHT!

  it's very amy-intensive

 Lea: sings along

 Z: doo doo doo

 Lea: doo dooooooo

2) (Related to the Show) Doctor Who Fraks With Your Heart & Mind; Also, Steven Moffat is a Sick, Sick Puppetmaster

The Doctor dies in this episode, guys. Killed mid-regeneration by a mysterious astronaut. We were, to put it lightly, distraught: 

Astronaut arrives; The Doctor: Still alive

Astronaut Shoots and Leaves; Doctor: Dead; Us: Devastated

Z: ASTRONAUTZ: what is going on?

 Lea: WAAAAAAAAT

  OMGOMG

 Z: who's inside

9:08 PM Lea: WAT WAT WAT WATWAT

  WHO IS IT?!

 Z: WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA

 Lea: OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING NOOOOOOO

 Z: he just got shot!!!!!

9:09 PM is he.....

 Lea: OMG

  no

 me: killed mid regeneration????

  that is a first

 Lea: WAT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

9:10 PM NO HE IS NOT, SHUT YOUR MOUTH

  

  I'M CRYIIIIIIIIIIIING

 Z: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

9:11 PM Lea: WHY?!

  I'M HYPERVENTELATING ON MY COUCH RIGHT NOW

                   Lea: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING I'M SO DISTRAUGHT RIGHT NOW

9:13 PM     AL;SDKJFL;SDKJF;ALSDJF

  
I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

3) In the Same Vein, Doctor Who Never Ceases to Fascinate and Confuse Us...But Mainly Confuse Us

For a timelord, time is never in a straight line. To borrow from the tenth Doctor (David Tennant shoutout!), it's more like a "big ball of wibbly, wobbly, timey, wimey stuff." Which makes perfect sense to a timelord. But for two bloggers, who are most certainly NOT timelords?...Not so much. 

One source of confusion was when the Doctor came back to life. But...he really didn't come back to life so much as not die yet, making him the Past!Doctor. It was the Future!Doctor that died. See? It's confusing.

The Past!Doctor and his special straw.

Z: HE'S BACCCCKKK

 Lea: AS;LDKFJDKSLA;SLDKFJDKSLA;SLKDJFDKLA;

9:16 PM MY SPECIAL STRAW

 Z: this an emotional rollercoaster

 Lea: DOCTOR, YOU EFFIN BASTARD

 Z: STEVEN MOFFAT, STOP IT

 Lea: YOU. BASTARD.

Lea: that exposition went by so fast and i know i missed most of it

  so this Doctor we're seeing now is Future!Doctor?

9:20 PM Z: no

  it's the past!doctor

  the future!doctor just died

  the past doctor is 200 years younger than the doctor at the beginning

 Lea: frick

9:21 PM future doctor invited past doctor to the restaraunt

 Z: yes!

9:22 PM that's what i've got down

 Lea: K.........still........WTF

 Z: yeah. i have no idea, either

  

This and other plot developments opened up a whole bag of questions/theories. But, more on those later. 

Another thing we found out:
3) Mark Sheppard WILL Find His Way Onto Every Show We Watch

Romo Lampkin, is that you? What are you doing off of Galactica? 

This man's TV guest appearances include, but are not limited to:

• Firefly (Badger)
• 24 (Ivan Erwich)
• Dollhouse (Tanaka)
• Chuck (Ring Director), 
• Supernatural (Crowley, McLeod)
• Battlestar: Galactica (Romo Lampkin, WUT WUT)
• and now Doctor Who (Canton Everett Delaware III)

According to my precise calculations, he has appeared in 90-100% of the shows Lea and I have ever been fans of. Come to think of it, he probably managed to wriggle his way into an episode of another one of our favorite shows, Lost. I wouldn't put it past him if he just whispered to a producer and got himself CGI'd into the background. The smoke monster? That was really just him.

Mark Sheppard. In the TARDIS. In Lea's words: the luckiest bastard alive.

Z: Romo Lampkin!

 Lea: OMG MARK SHEPPARD

9:26 PM CONTINUING HIS QUEST TO BE IN EVERY SHOW I'VE EVER WATCHED

 Z: it's so true. only this time, he's got an american accent?

Lea: omg Mark Shepphard has been on Serenity, Galactica, AND THE Tardis!

  "IT'S BIGGER ON THE INSIDE"

9:44 PM Z: he has gone where every nerd wants to go

4) One of Us Has An Immense Fear of Alien Faces

Don't look away, gurl! You gon' die!

Too late. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Lea: OMGGLASKDFJGAWIRGJOMG

  OMGOMGOGMOGM

  I JUST SCREAMED OUT LOUD

  

9:36 PM OMG WTF THAT THING WAS SO SCARY OMG

 Z: I WAS JUST THINKING THAT

  ALIIIIEEENNNN

 Lea: IT'S SO SCARY

  CRYING CRYIIIIIING A;LSDKFJAS;LDKFJ

 Lea: OH

  MY

  GOD

 Z: it erases your memory

 Lea: OH MY FREAKIN GOD

 Z: GUUUURRRLLL

Z: IT HAS FREAKY HANDS

9:39 PM Lea: LS;DKFJLASDKGJHOIWERAI;SNBLKASNFBS;WEIUFJALS;DGNALSFH;LSKCVASRHGOAIWRJS;FLAKJSDLKGJLAFKSDJGLSDK;FJAOSIGJAS;LDGJKFOWRIGJ

  BREATHE IT'S SO SCAAAAAAAAAARY I'M SO FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW

9:40 PM Z: are you watching in the dark?Lea: Yes. i am legitimately terrified omg. my brother was even freaking out lololol

Those are the things we found out. Onto the things we didn't and still don't know--a.k.a. the questions/theories portion of this post, a portion I'd like to call:


"WTF, DOCTOR WHO?! WHA HAPPENED?"


Our first big question:
1) River Song, WHO ARE YOU????!!

Srsly, though. Throw us a flippin' bone here, River!

Exchanges similar to this one...


Lea: WHO ARE YOU, RIVER SONG?!

 Z: NO ONE KNOWS

...happened frequently while we were watching. 

This is what we do know. 
1) She is constantly breaking out of horribly guarded space-prison. 
2) The more she gets to know the Doctor, the less he knows her. 
3) She is a BAMF, no doubt. 
4) A flurry of questions always surrounds her, making her a MYSTERIOUS! BAMF.  


...And that is the sum of our knowledge.


What kind of relationship  did/will she have with the Doctor?! What did she mean when she told the Doctor he knew she was a "screamer"??? WHAT IS ALL THIS LEADING TO??? 


Do any of you know? Because I have No Idea.


2) HOW IS BABBY FORMED. HOW AMY GET PRAGNENT

Guuurrl. Who the baby daddy?

So, Rory and Amy have been married for a little while. It would seem only natural that Amy happens to be pregnant, right? WRONG. This is DOCTOR WHO, so this isn't just some normal pregnancy that they would just casually mention. No, this has got to be important. But how? Our theories emerged as such:

Lea: So....what do you think about Amy's pregnancy?

10:13 PM Z: it makes me happy!

 Lea: Do you think it's just straightforward and Rory is the father and that's it?

  or is there some ~secret there

 Z: well, who actually knows

 Lea: or it'll get complicated

  OR RIVER SONG IS REALLY THEIR DAUGHTER :O

 Z: that'd be something if it was part timelord

  OMG

  WAT

  DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID

10:14 PM MY HEAD EXPLODED

 Lea: BOOM!

  lolol idk if i actually believe that

  but i just wonderrrrrr

 Z: that's an interesting theory!

 Lea: like, WHY DID AMY HAVE TO TELL HIM SO BADLY?

  Why was it so important she tell him that she was pregnant?

10:15 PM Z: THE CHILD. IT'S SPECIAL.

  i have no idea

 Lea: i think there's going to be something fishy w/ the pregnancy

10:16 PM I WOULD LOVE IT IF IT WAS JUST HER AND RORY'S BABBY AND THEY LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND RORY GROWS A MULLET

3) Who Is That Child In the Spacesuit?

W.T.A.F. What. Child. Is. This?!

Is this the person in the spacesuit at the beginning of the episode (who also shot the Future!Doctor)? Is this a character's future child? Is she even a real child? Did Amy actually kill her at the end? Again, our wild theories emerged. We may have gotten carried away. All the way into another show--Game of Thrones:

Lea: i wonder if the little girl is still in the astronaut

  but [The Doctor] knows them still?

 Z: could be! do you think amy killed her?

10:56 PM Lea: maybe the child in the astronaut IS AMY'S CHILD!

  :O

  I'm just throwing out the most ridiculous theories ignore me

10:57 PM Z: but they could be true!

  who really knows

10:58 PM Lea: OMG SO MANY QUESTIONS

 Z: Wait! i have the answer!

10:59 PM the child in the space suit is the lovechild of rhaegar targaryen and lyanna stark: jon snow

11:00 PM Lea: IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!!!!!!

  secrets and lies and secrets

11:01 PM Z: we are on to you, Steven Moffat

Concluding Thoughts:
If you couldn't already tell, by the end of the show, we were mesmerized:

Yep. Pretty sure we looked like that through the entire show. BTW, if you've made it all the way to this part of the post, you deserve a stetson.

Lea: IT

  WAS

10:01 PM BRILLIANT

  AMAZING

  SO FREAKIN GOOD

  LEGIT

  LIKE

  DUDE

  OMG

  LOVE

  SO MUCH LOVE

 Z: MY HEART IS FULL

  MY MIND IS FRAKKEDZ: it packed a real emotional wallop at the beginningand, in true doctor who fashion, was still mentally captivating all the way throughthe best doctor who episodes have me by the mind and heartstrings

Enough said. We absolutely cannot wait for Part 2! Catch it on Saturday on BBC America @ 9 p.m.

Until next time!

p.s. Thanks to Lea for her brilliant screencapping skillz :)