53rd Grammys Live Blog Edition! Also, the 1st Ever Ashitaka's Angels Awards!

In which Justin Bieber wishes you a Happy Valentine's Day.

Ah, the Grammys. Out of all the awards shows out there, you can always count on the Grammys to provide the most spectacle in terms of performances, outfits, upsets, and general WTF(!) moments. In true Ashitaka's Angels fashion, we liveblogged the event, and will be sharing tidbits of our reactions below. But wait, there's more!! In a new twist, throughout the post, we'll also be doling out our own special awards! That's right, folks, you're getting the Ashitaka's Angels Blog, now with 20% more blog!!!

Now, let's get to it, shall we? 

Up first: The Ashitaka Award for Best DIVA:

L-R: Yolanda Adams, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Florence Welch
a.k.a. Gospel Diva, Country Diva, Diva Diva, Soul Diva, Indie Rock Diva

To send the Aretha Franklin its own brand of get-well card, the Grammys opened up with a tribute to some of her best hits. What better way to tell the Queen of Soul you wish her well than to assemble 5 divas and have them try to out-wail and out-melisma each other.  We at the blog were temporarily confused by their battling, but then, ultimately entertained. 

L: What is happening?

8:05 PM

Z: A diva explosion is happening

Z: It's their tribute to Aretha Franklin since she's sick. Christina is bogarting the stage as usual.

L: AT LEAST SHE REMEMBERED THE WORDS. OH SNAP

Z: LOL

L: I forgot to turn off capslock

Z: lol let's try to keep the yelling to a minimum

Z: ...at least until lady gaga pops out of her egg

Z: I feel like there should be a line of diva action figures after this

L: JHUD looks good

Z: It's that weight watchers

L: WHY DOES XTINA GET A SPECIAL MIKE STAND?!

Z: She has the highest midichlorian count

Z: sorry, that was my lame attempt at a star wars reference

L: well i'm loling

L: LMAO AT THEM TRYING TO OUT DIVA EACH OTHER

Z: that's the best part!

Z: I'm surprised christina didn't try to cut a bitch

L: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

And the 1st Ever Ashitaka Award for BEST DIVA goes to...

No one. Let's be honest, to say any one of them out-diva'd the others is to invite their collective wrath. 

Wait! I mean...it's Christina!..Please, don't hurt me, Christina Aguilera. I fear you the most. 

Next up, perhaps one of the most hotly-contested categories of the night: WEIRDEST COSTUME. This was a tough one. Lady Gaga was the obvious favored contender after she showed up in HER OWN EGG. 

Gaga 'incubating' on the Red Carpet.

Hatching onstage to perform 'Born this Way'. 

Our surprised reaction at Gaga's performance:

L: That was actually relatively normal for her

Z: Yeah, she toned it down a little bit

Z: Is it just me or does that song sound like express yourself?

L: lol omg it's not just you. EVERYONE'S been saying that

Z: I predict it will be her BIGGEST HIT YET

L: probably. some radio stations vowed to play it once every hour since it premiered lol

Z: oh, man. that's a lot of gaga

BUT just when we thought Gaga had weirdest costume award locked up, who should show up but Cee Lo Green performing in...well....

...this. 

Cee Lo and Gwyneth Paltrow a.k.a. Rainbow Chicken and White Lady that Sings

Also, Gwyneth Paltrow was there, much to our dismay.

Z: I like this song, but c'mon...Gwyneth?

L: GO AWAY, GWYNETH

Z: I'll take the puppets over her

L: This is crazier than Gaga

Z: agreed

L: WHAT IS HAPPENING

L: DO YOU SEE THE PUG PUPPET?!

Z: I didn't know Cee Lo had an NBC peacock costume

Z: I think Gaga wanted to wear it, but Cee Lo called it first

L: haha yeah

L: GO AWAY GWYNETH

Z: I don't understand!! What is she doing? I'm uncomfortable

L: TRAIN. WRECK.

L: O_o

Z: wow.

L: O_O

L: X_X

L: ..............

Z: wha happened.

L: WAT

After seeing both Lady Gaga and Cee Lo Green, we at the blog were left to wrestle with that age-old question: Which was weirder first? The rainbow chicken or the egg? Cee Lo or Lady Gaga?

After much deliberation, the ASHITAKA AWARD FOR WEIRDEST COSTUME goes to...

WE HAVE NO IDEA. We throw up our hands and simply shake our heads. 

Not surprisingly, these two were also head-to-head for our award for MOST CRACKED-OUT PERFORMANCE. The Winner? By a muppet hair, Cee Lo Green. 

WE. CAN'T. EVEN.

Lady Gaga's egg-hatching was decidedly subdued compared to Cee Lo's muppet band. Also, Gwyneth was there. So, that alone made his performance just a skosh more crack-filled than Gaga's. 

L: She sounded better than him, but was completely unnecessary

Z: Yeah. I wonder where else she's going to pop up. I predict she will win the grammy for best new artist at the end of the night

9:55 PM

...without even having recorded an album

L :|||||

Z: Correction: her 'album' will be "That one country music movie and that one episode on glee'

Onto the next category! The Ashitaka Award for BEST WINNING SWEEP!

This, of course, goes to none other than Lady Antebellum, who won a whopping 5 Grammys last night, including 'Record of the Year' and 'Song of the Year' for "Need You Now," the affinity for which one of us had in spades.  

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone, and I need you noooowww!"

L: DON'T JUDGE BUT I FUCKING LOVE 'NEED YOU NOW

Z: I'm not judging! I like that song, too.

L: I'M DOING MY LADY ANTEBELLUM ROCK HANDS RIGHT NOW

L: Their harmonies are delightful. Did you know the lead singer of Lady A tried out for American Idol twice and got rejected?

Z: Well, i bet she's laughing all the way to the bank now.

L: mmm hmmmmm

Some musical heavy-hitters were also in the building last night, classing up the joint, and subsequently are the recipients of The Ashitaka Lifetime of Awesomeness Award. The first recipient is none other than Barbra HBIC Streisand, who sang "Evergreen." She was also the only contender and winner of the 'Making Lea Michele Cry Just By Being There' award category.

No auto-tune needed.

Z: It's Barbra Effing Streisand. I bet Lea Michele is losing her mind.

10:50 PM

L: LOLOLOL

L: omg Lea Michele is freaking out.

The 2nd recipient of the Ashitaka Lifetime of Awesomeness Award goes to folk legend, Bob Dylan, who headed up a small folk fleet singing "Maggie's Farm."

The voice? A bit weathered. The man? Still a legend. 

L: omg his voice sounds so terrible

Z: It kinda does. It's so gravelly! I really wanna pour some honey down Bob Dylan's throat.

L: My brother saw Dylan in concert and said he basically just talked all his songs

Z: Yeah, his vocal cords sound like they're ripped to shreds

9:35 PM

L: Whatever whatever, i still love him

Z: It cannot be denied...the man still has legendary status

Z: Fave Bob Dylan song?

L: DON'T THINK TWICE, IT'S ALRIGHT. Yes, that deserved caps.

In the Category of 'Most Disorienting Performance in a Good Way,' the Ashitaka Award goes to...'Album of the Year' winners, ARCADE FIRE! 

It's hard to tell from the picture, but the intensity of the strobe lights in their performance was an amount equal to that used by most Japanese children's cartoons. Basically, it was seizure-inducing times ten. But the music was phenomenal! And their big win for "The Suburbs" was extremely well-deserved.

"Sometimes, I can't believe it. I'm moving past the feeling!" Great song.

L: There's like 20 people in their band

Z: it's an army of musicians

L: WAT

L: WAAAAAAAAAAAT

L: LOL SEEIIIIZZZUUUUURRRRREEEE

Z: this is a bit epileptic

L: BICYCLISTS W/ CAMERAS! It's......................ART! HOLY SHIT THESE STROBE LIGHTS LMAO

Z: I bet bob dylan is going 'wtf' right now

L: OMGOMGOMGOMG DYING

L: I'M DEAD

L: I'M DEAD AND I LOVE THEM. my head kind of hurts now though

Z: THEY MUST PLAY ON TOP OF A GLACIER

It wouldn't be a real Grammy night without some celeb sounding off in grand fashion. This brings us to our final Ashitaka Award of the night, the often sought, highly-coveted title of 'MOST QUOTABLE'. This year's recipient is...

We didn't see him in the seats during the festivities, but Kanye, being Kanye, still made his presence known. Many times, he would tweet exactly what we were thinking. It was 20% eerie, 80% hilarious. 
Take for example, during Justin Bieber's performance, in which he had backup dancers dressed as ninjas.


L: OMG OMG : @kanyewest Kanye West
NINJAS... YESSSSS!!!!!!!
1 minute ago
Z: LMAO
L: I just RT'd Kanye. I had to.
Z: Understandable

Another example: when John Mayer turned up onstage channeling Johnny Depp in 'The Tourist'.

Johnny Depp's doppelganger, Ravi Shankar's daughter, and Nicole Kidman's husband, a.k.a. Mayer, Norah Jones, and Keith Urban sang Dolly Parton's "Jolene."

L: @Kanye West: I didn't know Johnny Depp played guitar

54 seconds ago

Z: LOL
L: ALSDFJG;LASJGL;ASDJF

Z: Kanye, we're all sharing the same brain!

Final example: after Arcade Fire won for 'Best Album of the Year,' we rejoiced. As did Kanye.

L: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGM

L: I DIDN'T.....I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN

L: WAT. IS. LIFE.

Z: THERE IS HOPE!!!! Also, Kanye is an arcade fire fan?

L: I want Kanye to sample Arcade Fire. That would be dope

Z: That's not a bad idea

L: Itt doesn't have to be a collab. You know he's totally thinking about it

Z: I wouldn't be surprised if he already has

L: yep

Z: lol Kanye just tweeted #ARCADEFIRE!! He can hear our thoughts

L: LMAO KANYE, I'M DYING

L: I almost RT'd everything he tweeted tonight, but i refrained

L: and you know he was just watching tonight in his giant palace somewhere. Wearing his designer pajamas.

L: thinking of crazy things to tweet

L: while sipping orange juice from a 24 karat gold goblet

Z: surrounded by 24 ballerinas, in a room draped in a giant white tapestry

L: Still looking for his antique fishtank

11:55 PM

Z: and a geisha that he misplaced

Speaking of Kanye West's tweets, in case you haven't seen this, or if you have and you want to experience it once more:

You're welcome.

And so ends the 1st Ever Ashitaka's Angels Awards/Award Show Recap!!! Hope you enjoyed it. Grammys, we'll see you next year.

[Photo Credits: EW.com, GettyImages, Grammys.com, JustJared.com]