FORKS

My review of New Moon:

Jacob Black....


/end



The Derelict's review of New Moon:

First, let me just say, that Humanity (but mostly the female population of the world) is very sad-making to me. Seriously, ladies, I question your taste level. Whoever thinks that anything Edward/Bella related is romantic needs to hand over their romance cards right this minute. Those two make me long for a good piece of lawn so that I can watch the grass grow. They are so boring in their attempts at lovey-dovey-ness that they make sniffing freshly painted walls seem like a good lifestyle choice. They are like a black hole of anti-romance, sucking in the emo teenagers who think "love" means mumbling and looking constipated at each other and feeling angsty every moment of their waking (and sleeping) lives. Trust me when I say this, I know romance. I dig what they call "old fashioned" romance as well, since I spend most of time watching old movie romances and reading old romantic literature. Twilight? Not old. Not fashioned. Anemically romantic. The only spark of chemistry and/or sexiness and/or romance comes whenever Jacob comes on screen, and yet at the end, Bella chooses Deadward and it's all just one big yawn-a-rama. More Jacob, less Edward (which is really saying something, since Edward is in this movie for maybe fifteen minutes total so how much less of him could there really be?).

This movie and the book series should just be about Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and the rest of the cool vampire peoples, because at least they smile occasionally, and act like human beings, and seem like they have personalities beyond "angsty vampire guy" and "angsty, depressed human girl." Frankly, if Bella Swan was a real person, I would punch her in the neck. I hate Bella more than Al Qaeda. If I had to make a choice between curing cancer and erasing Bella Swan from existence, I would be torn. That is how boring and lame she is. The fact that thousands, nay millions, of girls and women identify with her and are deeply invested in her story is frightening. I feel like I'm an alien who cannot identify with this strange race we call "woman." And I'm a freaking chick!!! Why is my own sex so depressingly stupid?!?! How are these books/movies popular?!?!?!?! HOW?!?!?!

I can't add anymore than this. Twilight makes me hope the terrorists will win.

/end


Wow! Thank you, The Derelict. That was beautiful :')

Dying. Laughing.

(Click on the picture to make bigger)

The World According to MTV

So, MTV had their infamos Movie Awards a couple of nights ago and I have to say "our generation" really likes some...instead of saying crappy I'll say: not so worthwhile stuff.

Here's a quick rundown of the awards and who got what:

Stand Out Perfomance by an Actress: Ashley Tisdale

Best Fight: Robert Pattinson and Cam Gigandet (Twilight)

Best Male Performance: Zac Efron

sidenote---this award could not have been deliverd more awkwardly, seriously its the whole incident that caused the Bruno and Eminem incident.

Quick Quote: "you keep sending me up here to steal these things"

I couldn't agree more Zac, you really were up against some pretty amazing talent

Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson

my take: is it really fair to nominate Vanessa Hudgens and the Zeffron when their dating and it should come natural to them. If it didn't then I'd worry. Maybe there should be an awkward kiss award--hee! Now that's genius :P

Best WTF Moment: Amy Poehler

Best Song in a Movie: Miley Cyrus for "The Climb"

Genertation Award: Ben Stiller

Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart

Best Comedic Performance: Jim Carey

Best Villian: Heath Ledger

sidenote: it didnt get mention in the program but the honor was still bestowed upon him...

Best Movie: Twilight

Now for those of you keeping track Twilight got 5 awards Sunday night and Disney pretty much aided in taking over the whole night. It's like all the MTVers only watch the bottom of the barrel crap. I'm just wondering when did MTV become taken over by that crowd. Seriously people he's a vampire not rooted in mythology but in what Stephanie Myers tells you to believe about vampires. Come on! He glitters in the sunlight. What have movies come to. I have to say I am glad that we aren't allowed to vote on every award given out. P.S. Kristen Stewart total didn't seem to care, she herself seemed disenchanted with the new film when introducing the exclusive preview that aired that night. She supposedly (that is in the eyes of the fans), is given the role of a lifetime and she's all like "meh." Anyways along with that exclusive film, the event also premiered exclusive clips from Harry Potter: The Half Blood Prince and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. So if your a fan of either, go ahead and check out those parts of the program at www.mtv.com. Finally, you'll also love all that Andy Samberg offered to the evening.

All in I guess not the worst way to spend 2 hours. Also I spotted K. Bell twice! Who I totally love :)

It's been such a long time...

I feel really bad about not writing on the blog for as long as I have, but school lately has been kicking my ass. This is the first time I'm able to finally sit down and have a go at the blogging for a long time.  Because of this, this post is going to be a roundup of all the things I've wanted to talk about the past 2 weeks, but haven't been able to because of being busy.

Things That Are Happy Making:

• Adam Baldwin as agent John Casey on Chuck.  I love Chuck.  I think it's a really funny, cute, clever little show that more people should watch.  But my absolute favorite part of the show?  Casey.  Adam Baldwin can say more in Casey's signature "grunts" than most actors can say in words.  This is my favorite Chuck scene, by the way.
• The last episode of Fringe was by the far the best episode of the whole show.  I like Fringe, but I normally don't really pay that much attention to it while I watch, but this episode had me on the edge of my seat.  I was actually really upset that we have to wait until January for the new episodes.  Walter and Peter are still the best parts of this show, and I find that their relationship is really interesting and kind of sweet (in a twisted sort of way).  Ya'll need to become acquainted with Walter.  He's a riot!
• Speaking of best episodes of television shows, the True Blood finale.  Fantastic.  Normally for me, this show is a mixture of cheesy badness and sort of goodness, but the finale was all goodness.  Sam and Tara are still my favorites, and I can't wait to find out what's up with Admiral Cain.  (I really hope Lafayette's not dead though!).  For the lols: Sookie...can you feel my influence?
• The oldest ever Lolcat!  From 1905!  And it still can't get a cheezburger!  Words cannot describe how awesome this is.
• HBO has bought the rights to turn the "A Song of Ice and Fire" book series by George R R Martin into a television series!  I love these books!  I just finished "A Clash of Kings" and I'm already on to "A Storm of Swords".  If they do it right, this show is going to be awesome!  Tricia Helfer for Cersei!
• New promo for season 2 of Flight of the Conchords:

• Twilight in Fifteen Minutes: SAY MY NAME, BITCH!  Also, OMG LEIK HI MAH NAME IS ISABELLA SWAN.  Plus, OMG EDWARD IM SO BORED IM SERIOUSLY GOING TO DIE OMG.  The Twilight fandom can be pretty amazing sometimes.
• I don't know guys, I may be more excited for Lost to return than Battlestar Galactica.  I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been on such a Lost kick lately.  I can't wait until the DVDs come out!  New season 5 promo pic.
• Now, this doesn't mean I'm not excited for Battlestar.  Oh my freaking god am I excited for Battlestar!  Here's the new promo for the season:
• OMG ADAMA IN THE AIRLOCK, WHAT?  Here's a mysterious website with mysterious clues for the upcoming season: You will know the truth.  These last episodes are going to be epic.
• Prince Caspian on DVD.  For Narniaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
• The Killers' and Kanye West's new CDs.  Music is good too, people!
• Hugh Jackman in Australia.  Rugged...

Things That Are Sad Making:

• So, I knew I would have to mention this sooner or later, but Pushing Daisies has been cancelled.  I think I felt like if I didn't mention it, it would make it not true, but alas.  This is especially hard because the last few episodes have just been amazingly good.  Our drunk, Twilight-watching friend, The Derelict, has a wonderful rant about the subject here. 
• Heroes.  This is the stupidest show on TV at the moment and I can't believe I keep subjecting myself to it every week.  I liked this show during the first season.  I didn't love it by any means, and I always felt like people praised it way more than it deserved (I love this article: News Flash: Heroes Was Always Bad), but I enjoyed it nonetheless, mostly because it was something new and fresh and exciting and I really liked some of the characters (Ando! Nathan!).  Now that all the newness has worn off however, it's just...bad.  And it gets my blood boiling more than any other show.  This show has crappy dialogue, annoying characters, horrible acting, inconsistent characterization, and totally indiscernible plots.  And don't even get me started on what the show has done to Sylar.  That, my friends, is the worst crime of them all.  It's gotten so bad, I was happy that Elle got killed off so Kristin Bell can be free of this crappy show.  Fly away, Kristin Bell!  Fly away, to bigger and better things (like a Veronica Mars movie).  And yet, I keep watching out of some sick hope that maybe it will get better (or for the fact that it comes on after Chuck so I just leave the TV on out of habit).  I can't wait until 24 comes back in January so I will have no choice but to stop watching.
• House.  Why?  Why do the writer's love Thirteen so much? WHY?!  You know, I didn't hate Thirteen when she was first introduced, but the fact that she is shoved down our throats constantly every single week has made me LOATHE her.  She has freaking more screen time than House for gosh sakes!  Her character isn't even that interesting, and Olivia Wilde isn't even that great of an actress!  So why do the writers insist on giving her so many story lines? She makes me miss Cameron....and I used to hate Cameron!  I know this sounds silly, but Thirteen is ruining this show for me.  I was way more interested in this week's episode of Fringe than I was House.  And that makes me sad, because House was a show I used to consider a favorite, and now I barely care about it.  Go DIAF, Thirteen!  Even professional television critics agree with me!
• The saxophone.  Tis the devil's instrument.

Twilight Movie Review

5 words to describe Twilight the movie:  Zzzzzzzz.  Chagrin.  Dazzle.  Unintentional laughter.

----------

A special Ashitaka's Angels guest blogger, The Derelict, Twilight movie review:

Confession:  I've never read the books.  Another confession:  Thank the Lord for small favors.  This movie was boring.  I was drunk while I watched it but not drunk enough.  I would have had to have been stone drunk wasted passed out in the corner to have been drunk enough to see this movie.  It was just plain boring.  There is nothing worse in cinema but to be boring and unvisual.  This movie was unvisual (did I mention I'm still drunk from the thought of having to even review the boringness that is this movie).  I will recap this movie in five words.  Ready?  Go.

Rain

Wooden

Vampires

Glitter-sweat

Nina

Okay, you've seen the movie now.  Don't hate me for removing five seconds from your life.  Blame Stephanie Meyer's bedroom fantasies.  Seriously girl, make out with your husband before it's too late.

----------

Fantastic review, Derelict.  The only person who could describe it better is Edward Cullen himself:

Oh yeah....I'm dazzled.

New Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer!!!!!

And it is amazing!

I know this is the first time I've mentioned Harry Potter around these parts, but I am a huge Harry Potter fan of both the books and the movies, and I cannot wait for this movie to come out!  This trailer looks fantastic and is only making me sadder that the movie got pushed back (WE WOULD HAVE BEEN SEEING IT NEXT WEEK)!

This trailer is apparently going to be shown in front of the new Twilight movie, which I am going to be seeing out of my morbid curiosity at how bad it's going to turn out.  I'm a glutton for punishment, what can I say?  Still, I look forward to seeing this trailer on the big screen as well as being reminded of what a good book series really looks like. ;) 

ETA:  OMG OMG OMG new Watchmen trailer:

I'm super excited for this movie too!  

It's new trailer day or something! Yay!

OMG IT'S RENESMEE!

I had to mention this for Zozizzle and Good Grief:

On tonight's Fringe, the episode started out with a woman who all of a sudden got pregnant with a baby that GREW UNNATURALLY FAST, and thus KILLED THE MOTHER FROM THE INSIDE, which then had to be CUT OUT OF THE WOMAN'S STOMACH!

So apparently, in the world of Fringe, half human/half vampire mutant demon babies do exist!

Be afraid.  Be very afraid... (Whatever you do, don't imprint on it Good Grief!)

In more 'on topic' news, I thought this episode was really really good, better than the Pilot.    Although, if the show is going to keep up it's extreme gross out factor, I don't know how much more I can take, because 'ew'.  Even so, I think I may have liked it better than House!  Especially with House's depressing ending, which went a little like this:

Wilson (to House):  "We're not friends anymore..."

Me:  "We're lovers!"

Wilson:  "...and I'm not sure we ever were."

Me: :(

Don't fight, you guys!  It makes me sad, remember?